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more on this somewhere…
more on this somewhere…
We need to face our darkness because we cannot outrun our shadow.
Recall and recount the moments that almost were and we were almost not.
A reminder of all the worst points in our life that we have overcome
to remind us that we will overcome this one as well.
Wear your survived pain as a badge of strength, almost deaths as a reaffirmation
that you are alive – and very much in control.
There is a beauty in darkness, as every golden light must have shade.
It’s not a contradiction but a confirmation –
a balance that allows both to continue to exist.
We must love both to find harmony in contradiction.
Ritual abusers,
in whatever stripe they come –
Their ceremonies
You know the ones…
They’re supposed to represent life:
A life
From conception
That’s the part they show in movies –
Birth
Voila
To death
All represented neatly
In one ceremony
Cool right?
Clever even
But despicable beyond all reason
And it gets worse
You’d think, oh
At least it’s over
For the poor thing
Wrong!
That’s the very point of the rite
Not just the blood
The essence
The life energy
But the soul
A slave is born
A slave
To a slave
In a farm
To make more
The bottom
Of this depravity
I fear
We have not reached
Yet
We need to free those souls trapped
That cannot be permitted to stand
These are vile creatures
With a black hole for a soul
And no amount of hell-bound souls
Enslaved
Can feed what has no bottom
think about it
they’re everywhere
in every company
they manage the pipelines
design, maintain
the routes of the most sensitive data
now, of course, there’s cryptography
that’s great at keeping individual bits locked
but zoom out further
every IT professional
either work for a company with robust protocols to keep their data safe
or work for a company that works for another, with non-disclosure agreements up the wazoo
So that’s fine; all the data stays tucked away, high in the cloud
But what’s between the lines?
What can be inferred by what is not said?
Which companies have agreements with whom?
And the boots on the ground, they know where at least some of the bodies are buried
They know what they’re asked to do and not do
But they have an idea of what is what and what goes where
So, in the lines between what is not said, as much from what is
Could be pieced together the most valuable
Dangerous and incendiary secrets
a simple question
with enormous repercussions
what if it all were true?
myth
scripture
fiction
the ethereal realm of imagination
if something can exist only there,
where is that, exactly?
Elsewhere –
to my Earthican friends
They arrived a little over an hour later, and the event took place in a large, beautiful park in a natural valley with mountains in the distance. The park had a roadway that wound throughout, so in the course of finding a place to park, they had a chance to spy on the festivities and get a layout of what was where.
To the kids’ relief, It looked more like a festival than a seminar, with a loosely related series of Eastern faith groups all represented.
‘Interfaith Gathering for Enlightenment’ was the actual name of the event. Paul could see stalls set up selling books.
Anne fixed in upon a group of people, mostly ladies, lined up on the lawn doing yoga led by a very serious-looking Yogi with a long beard and no shirt on.
Maggie saw some monks levitating, while some walked over hot coals, and others were laying down on a bed of nails.
Danny couldn’t take his eyes off a group demonstrating martial arts.
Collectively, they were glad that they came.
There were sounds of strange, exotic, yet pleasant music from different park areas. There were wafting through the air aromas of incense and spicy foods. The first impression of the event was, for all of them, surreal and overwhelming.
They were drawn to a crowd encircling a group of monks in robes. One spoke with a preternaturally loud voice that seemed to call out to everyone in attendance. As the crowd grew in a circle around them, three monks began to dig up what appeared to be recently disturbed ground.
“To demonstrate the depth of meditation, and the transcendence achieved over what many believe to be normal bodily functions, one of our brothers has been sealed underground,” the Monk with the voice said. “We will open up his tomb in front of you so that you may witness that there are no tricks.”
The monks dug down about four feet.
They stopped when a white cloth became visible under the soil. They set aside their shovels and lifted an enshrouded human body from the hole.
The crowd of onlookers was shocked to see this wrapped body come out and were even more surprised to watch the monks unwrap this man.
“Behold our brother, risen from the earth after two weeks without food, water, or even air to breathe.”
The monks attended to the recently buried man.
After unwrapping him, they unplugged his nostrils and ears with what appeared to be wax and gently massaged his extremities and torso.
Miraculously, the man began to stir. The crowd reacted with shock and wonder.
This was the nearest thing to a miracle they had ever seen. Paul was in disbelief and tried to move closer to get a better look.
“The human spirit is so much more than merely what is experienced by the body in the physical world. As you can see, our brother has entered a state of trance so deep that even his heart has slowed to the point where oxygen is unnecessary, much less food or drink. This is the power of the mind and spirit. To live is to overcome physical necessity’s demands — not to simply satisfy these desires.”
The buried monk was now sitting upright, eyes open, and very much alive.
Paul loved books and prided himself in his growing collection of them, mostly for the air of sophistication they lent him when inviting people into his home.
He did love to read about various topics ranging from do-it-yourself and investments to more esoteric stuff like paranormal research but often noted that he would probably never get the time to read them all.
He had always dreamed of writing books for himself and so viewed the book as a crowning human achievement, but his collection was like his life: having sufficient resources to gather but not enough time to actually enjoy.
Anne took in a yoga class under the golden sun and a clear blue sky on the grass in the middle of the park.
It was an idyllic scene to behold, and Paul felt pretty lucky watching her from a distance while he and the kids ate lunch at a picnic table.
A bookseller nearby had tables full of books, which caught Paul’s eye.
While the kids ate, he wandered over and began to browse the wares. With the day’s experiences running through his mind, he was on a mission to find answers, and what better place than in a book?
What was great about books, in Paul’s opinion, was that they were noncommittal. He could buy some books and read them when he felt like it. Not like joining a club or group, where people would expect him to participate and attend more gatherings like these, where he really had to think about who he was and where he was going.
He found books that caught his curiosity about meditation, mysticism, and transcendental yogic practices. After what he had witnessed earlier, his sense of wonder had been rekindled.
Within a few minutes of shopping, he held an armful of new and used books that he just had to have. The bookseller offered him a cardboard box to help carry the new acquisitions. He thanked them and joined the kids at the picnic table.
Once the three were finished, they heard an announcement that a performance was about to begin at the bandstand, so they proceeded toward it.
They sat on the bench as a Sufi Qawwali group began a transfixing performance of tabla drums, sitars, and what looked like a horizontal accordion. The music was accompanied by vocals that they didn’t understand but hypnotized them regardless.
The Qawwali music was so fitting with the otherworldly nature of the day and impressed Paul so deeply that he walked away at the end of the set feeling like he was walking on air. In the process, he forgot the box of books under his seat.
Anne joined them, and they all looked and felt happy with themselves and being together. Paul was really glad she had dragged him here today.
“I had a great yoga class! I learned some new poses, and oh my God, I feel so good after…” Anne said.
“That’s great, honey. The kids and I had lunch and saw an amazing band; you probably heard them from where you were. They were fantastic! And I got some new books… Shit! I forgot the books at the bandstand.”
“Well, let’s see if they’re still there,” Anne suggested.
“Good idea,” Paul replied.
They went to the seating area, where a trio played classical Chinese instruments. The box of books was gone.
Paul was pissed off now, his elated bubble burst out of frustration at his own carelessness. He approached one of the robed monks and asked if there was a lost and found area at this event.
The monk replied, “Yes, of course! Come with me, and I will show you the way.”
And so they did.
They moved away from the throng of people into a nearby temple set into the mountain, were shown down a corridor, and sat in an office.
The monk told Paul that he had to go and collect his box of books. Despite taking pride in his sense of direction, he began to notice that this structure seemed to defy normal spatial rules as he tried to navigate the hallways.
It was unlike any building he had ever been in before. The more times he turned a corner, it seemed the less orientation he was able to grasp.
There weren’t any discernible landmarks, as the corridors became increasingly similarly bland and featureless.
Was this some kind of joke? Paul wondered.
He increased his pace as if hurrying would help him find his way back.
But every hallway seemed to lead nowhere in particular. All the doors were locked, and the décor seemed more like an office than an Eastern temple.
Each corridor seemed the same as the last, and every turn seemed an exact duplicate of the one before. Just as Paul was beginning to despair, he found a stairway leading down.
The stairway also seemed to go an unnaturally long way, and at the bottom, Paul found himself in the mountain’s bowels. The walls were a damp, rough-hewn rock that gave the impression of ancient origins.
“Where am I?” Paul said to himself.
He felt as if he’d been thrust into a nightmare.
He sensed movement ahead in the shadows as he proceeded into the dank, cavernous tunnels.
“Holy shit!” He said, with an air of detachment.
A creature appeared before him, terrible and enormous, bearing more resemblance to something from the depths of an ocean than the innards of a mountain.
Without thinking, Paul had an empowering vision that he could simply overcome this being of darkness with focused light from within himself.
He unleashed a ball of white fury toward the beast by holding his hands out and channelling his inner calm and confidence toward the creature, which simply evaporated upon impact.
This discovery of power gave Paul a boost in spirit, and he realized that this was a test he could pass. He proceeded forward.
After a few minutes of venturing deeper into the mountain, Paul found himself in an enormous dark cathedral full of grotesque imagery carved into the stone. A hairy beast stood on two legs, even more terrifying and disgusting in appearance and odour than the last.
“I am your worst fear, your doubt and self-loathing. I am the emptiness in your soul, the nagging futility of your existence!” Grumbled the monster in a voice that echoed in Paul’s bones and caused his scrotum to shrivel into his abdomen.
Not so much from imminent danger to his person but from the jolting reality of where he was – and that he had left his family behind in the clutches of mystery.
Until this moment, he had been so absorbed by the overwhelmingly lost feeling of his predicament that it hadn’t occurred to him that he had no idea where his wife and children were or even where he had been taken. The enormity of the feeling of failure twisted his stomach, and he blasted back into his current situation with renewed rage, terror, and purpose.
“You aren’t real, and you won’t stop me! You’re just a nightmare, and I will destroy you!” Paul shouted in a voice that he barely recognized in himself. He closed his eyes and focused all of his fear and passion, and launched an orb of glowing red fury at the creature, who fell where it stood with a groan more of relief than agony.
Paul approached the fallen beast reluctantly. As he neared the body, he noticed that its face vaguely resembled his own – in a huge and disfigured way. W
hen he was satisfied that the creature was down for the time being, he crept around its bulk and found a large wooden door that opened at his command. Through the door, Paul found himself in a long, much narrower, and twisting corridor than before, with a slightly upward cant.
As he pushed forward, he drove himself to hurry, racing hopefully back to find his family. His sweat drenched him, and it stunk of an acidic toxic fear that made him nauseous. The knot in his stomach grew from the guilt he felt for leaving his children and wife and for having brought them here in the first place.
He had to get back to them, but in the back of his mind, he wondered what good he could do. He shook off this nagging doubt and pressed on.
He turned a corner and encountered another bizarre being from the depths, this time much smaller and seemingly duller than the previous ones he’d seen. He simply focused on his love for his family and vaporized this one easily without a second thought.
“I’m getting pretty good at this,” he thought sarcastically.
It dawned on him that he had no intention of having to stay to use these new-found skills.
A short while later, Paul turned another corner and saw a door that resembled the office doors he had seen earlier at the end of the stone corridor. “Thank GOD!” He said as he reached the door and found he could manipulate it.
The door swung open and slammed closed behind him, disappearing and becoming just another nondescript wall matching all the others. This time, though, he found himself not in an endless hallway but in a small office.
A man was sitting behind a desk, wearing a black suit, a black tie, and the whitest white shirt that Paul had ever seen. The man’s face was blank, featureless, and slightly gray.
“Where am I?” Paul asked. “What is this place? And who are you?”
“You are on Earth, high on a mountaintop. You are here to find something that you have lost.”
Paul remembered the box of books, which now seemed irrelevant and from a distant past.
“Yes, I came in looking for some books I bought, but then I got turned around, and I’ve been lost for… a couple of hours, I guess. It seems like forever, though.”
“Yes, your books are here.” The agent gestured beside his desk, where the box sat, although Paul hadn’t noticed when he entered. A few of the books were scattered on the floor.
“Oh, okay. These were books that I bought at the fair earlier, they belong to me. I didn’t take them without permission,” Paul explained as if to justify himself and, in so doing, felt foolish for trying after what he had endured.
The man sat motionless, unblinking as if judging Paul’s sincerity.
He seemed to accept this explanation. Paul reached over to pack up the books that had fallen out, and the man stood up and left the office. As he did, he and the office vanished.
Paul stood in a different office, with a different agent behind the desk, interviewing another person. Paul looked down, and the books on the floor had also disappeared, along with the ones he had added to the box. Utterly disoriented, Paul turned and hastily left the office to find the first agent.
Of course, no one was in the corridor, and the door he had come through was now sealed.
An incapacitating feeling of dread swept over Paul, and he thought, “This must be what hell feels like.”
The thought that Anne and the kids were still in this endless vague labyrinth somewhere brought him to tears. He prayed out loud. “Please! Please tell me she left without me and just went home!”
His prayer was answered, in a way, a short time later.
As he meandered through the shifting corridors with endless locked doors, he occasionally found an open door leading to a false hope.
The door would be open for him to enter, only to find them completely bare, with inexplicable echoes given their size.
Paul thought despairingly tongue-in-cheek, “If this is my hell, my eternal prison, then thank God for small graces that I have something to read at least!”
He quickly dismissed the ridiculous notion.
He found an office furnished tastefully with an L-shaped desk and a soft bright light from the window.
It occurred to him that it was the first “natural” light he had seen in what seemed like a lifetime. The office reminded him of his accountant.
A French press, full of coffee and still steaming, sat on the desk. A computer monitor with a blank background and a solitary icon read “DO NOT DELETE.” Paul sat down and clicked the icon.
A video began to play on the screen.
The video felt like a corporate promotion, professionally done, showing clips of people commuting – travelling, working – just living through day-to-day tasks.
The voiceover said, “People ask to be shown what it would be like to live without the hustle and bustle of life. They ask to be shown what it would be like to live in perfect peace. You have asked for peace and to be delivered from your struggles.”
These words hit Paul hard. He knew why he was here.
He had gotten his wishes. He wished to escape the rat race of life and thought of the festival in the valley with the majestic mountains as a backdrop.
He realized he had been given exactly what he thought he wanted — a life of quietude with no distractions .
Now his wish had been granted, and there was no escape from the prison he had created for himself.
Then the kids woke up, and the peace bubble burst.
Danny, his nine-year-old son, stirred from slumber first. Maggie, his twelve-year-old daughter, followed close behind and started the day’s argument by insisting that Danny was taking too long in the bathroom.
“We need to get a place with more bathrooms,” Anne had been saying recently, seemingly all the time. And for good reason, too.
“This is the epicentre of hostility in this house, the bathroom,” Paul thought. It would all be better if only the kids had more bathrooms. First-world problems, he mused.
Anne got up soon after the yelling started and began to referee; Paul could hear from the kitchen.
“Well,” Paul thought, “at least I got to enjoy my coffee!”
He started the breakfast, making eggs and toast for everyone, and ate with the kids with casual detachment.
“So, guys, are you excited about our little road trip today?” Anne asked, aimed toward the kids but looking at Paul for a contribution of excitement.
“Yeah, I guess so,” replied Danny. “What are we going to do there?”
“Listen to some boring lectures, according to Mom,” added Maggie.
“Really? Lectures? That sounds boring, Mom,” Danny replied.
“Oh, come on, guys, it will be more than just lectures! There will be cool demonstrations by monks who meditate for so long that they can levitate and do all sorts of amazing things! Just wait and see. It’ll be so much fun!”
“Sounds kind of like a circus to me, Mom,” Maggie said.
Paul chuckled while chewing, and Maggie and Danny started laughing. Anne glared at Paul.
“What? It was funny; that was great timing,” he explained.
“OK, well, you’ll see, it will be fun, and you’ll thank me later,” Anne said to them. “There are some yoga demonstrations, and maybe you guys can try that. There will be yogis and music and dancing. I think we’ll all have a great time.”
“I’m sure we will, honey,” Paul chimed in. “It’s a beautiful day, by the looks of things, and we’ll get to take a drive in the mountains. At the very least, being together for the day will be great. I’m pumped to get out of town and see something different!”
“Finish your breakfast, kids,” Anne told them, “and get ready to get out of here. We’re leaving in twenty minutes!”
An hour later, they were in the car. Paul was already beginning to get agitated. Maggie had forgotten her iPad charger and had to return to the house. Danny forgot his camera. Anne forgot something that she had to bring with her. Paul forgot his wallet.
So much for leaving on schedule.
In the meantime, while he was waiting on the driveway for his family, he received a call that the agent who had agreed to handle his open house the next day had to cancel. He had to make three more phone calls to reschedule his Sunday appointments.
The juggling seemed never-ending in trying to put deals together for people. There was constant scheduling and rescheduling meetings with people to show them what they wanted to see, hoping that things would come together and he would ultimately get paid.
So that was a bit of a piss-off.
“Dammit, guys,” he started. “We’re already more than half an hour behind schedule. You know how much I hate being late!”
Maggie turned up the volume on her iPad, and Danny just stared out his back window. “Here it comes,” they were both thinking.
“How can we be late, Paul?” Anne replied. “There’s no time limit. It’s on all day.”
“That’s not the point, Anne. We made a plan to leave by a certain time. What would happen if there was an emergency? Would we take an hour to get out of the house?”
“Well, there was no emergency. We will have fun. No one is waiting for us….”
“Right, this time there isn’t. But we need to make a habit of being more disciplined. How can you be successful if you can’t make it out the door on time?”
“Paul, you always do this. Why are you stressing about getting there? I thought you didn’t even want to go to this thing. God knows you could use some yoga….”
“Really? I’m going because you wanted me to go. That’s what a husband does. But now we’ve wasted an hour getting ready, and the traffic is heavier, and therefore it’s going to take more time to get there, and it’s shifted our whole day later. Don’t you see that?”
“Oh, so we’re late because of me? I was ready, you know. You forgot your wallet, do you recall?”
“Yeah! I forgot my damn wallet! And you all forgot some crap too! And while I’m waiting around, I had to make a bunch of calls and my whole weekend is screwed up!”
“That’s not our fault, Paul! You can’t get pissed off and throw a tantrum at me because you’re stressing about work. It’s not fair! You have to knock this off! You’re going to give yourself a heart attack one of these days, and you’re giving me a headache!”
The kids looked at each other, and both rolled their eyes.
“Fine,” he started after a few breaths. “I’m sorry, OK?”
“That’s fine, Paul. You shouldn’t have come if you didn’t want to.”
“Really? I shouldn’t have come. That’s great, Anne. Thanks. Now I shouldn’t have come. Just great.”
“I didn’t mean you shouldn’t have come. You shouldn’t feel like you had to, just for my sake. I heard about this and thought it would be a nice way to spend the day together. But obviously, you’re not that into it, I get it. But I don’t understand why you have to freak out about when we get there. Who cares? It’s supposed to be fun, so have fun, and relax!”
“Yeah,” he replied after glaring at her for a moment. “You’re right. You’re always right.”
“That’s not it, Paul. It really isn’t about being right. It’s about being together and enjoying life for one day together – without stressing, worrying, meetings, sales, bills, or anything else. Just let go for a while and have fun with the kids. What’s the point of all the hard work if you can’t enjoy it?”
“I get it, Anne, I do. It’s just that I spend so much time and energy trying to make things happen that are productive, and at work, I feel like I have so little control over what happens and what people decide to do that it just frustrates me sometimes; you know? I try so hard to do well and give you guys a good life, and the only way to make that happen is by being on top of my game and not letting little things slide. I can’t control what other people do, but I can control what I do. That’s the only constant I can depend on.”
“Well, you can depend on us, Paul. We’re always here for you, and you know that. I love you, we all love you, and we appreciate the sacrifices that you have to make to get things done for the family. But you can’t let that stress spill over into your life. It’s not worth it to get so upset about things you can’t control.”
“Sounds like yoga is doing you good.”
“Yeah, it has. I wish you’d try it too. Maybe you’ll change your mind today and give it a shot.”
“Not bloody likely,” he thought, smiling vacantly at Anne.